laughs of the day

[ashman]

Poolside fishing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab5WBcB ... e=youtu.be

[bristleposh]

So I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant “What gets rid of coronavirus?”

She said "Ammonia cleaner."

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

[daib0]

Keighley police are hunting a woman known as the 'knitting needle Nutter', who has stabbed 16 people in the backside with a knitting needle in the last two days.
Chief inspector Malcolm Ballcock thinks she may be following some sort of pattern...

[daib0]

Billy and Mick were walking past the grave yard when Mick says "flippin hell Billy theres a fella here was 152 when he died!"

"What's his name?" asked Billy.

"152 ... Miles From London"

[daib0]

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool, there I was just minding my own business then... BOSCH!

[tonyp]

I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"

[daib0]

I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"

[daib0]

Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."

[ashman]

Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."

Very good!

[bristleposh]

[daib0]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.

[ashman]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.

Even better!

[tonyp]

Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."

Asians Strike Back: A Coronavirus Comedy & Science Show

[tonyp]

[daib0]

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.