laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: ashman, poshnipper

Post Reply
User avatar
ashman
Posts: 19126
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman »

'Everybody needs to have a friend'
User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30652
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh »

So I was in the chemist and I said to the assistant “What gets rid of coronavirus?”

She said "Ammonia cleaner."

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

Keighley police are hunting a woman known as the 'knitting needle Nutter', who has stabbed 16 people in the backside with a knitting needle in the last two days.
Chief inspector Malcolm Ballcock thinks she may be following some sort of pattern...
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

Billy and Mick were walking past the grave yard when Mick says "flippin hell Billy theres a fella here was 152 when he died!"

"What's his name?" asked Billy.

"152 ... Miles From London"
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

I was attacked last night in the street by a bloke with a power tool, there I was just minding my own business then... BOSCH!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 21140
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp »

I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

tonyp wrote: 17 Mar 2020, 21:23 I went to the doctor yesterday. He said "You're overweight".
I said "I want a second opinion".
He said "OK You're ugly as well"
:clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
User avatar
ashman
Posts: 19126
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman »

daib0 wrote: 26 Mar 2020, 12:58 Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
Very good! :clap:
'Everybody needs to have a friend'
User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 30652
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: LDub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh »

👍
I don't judge people on race, religion, gender,
ability or size, I judge them on whether or not
they're a prat!
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
User avatar
ashman
Posts: 19126
Joined: 07 Aug 2005, 08:51

Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman »

daib0 wrote: 26 Mar 2020, 15:46 I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

She went from Barking to Tooting in 40 minutes.
Even better! :clap: :clap2:
'Everybody needs to have a friend'
User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 21140
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp »

daib0 wrote: 26 Mar 2020, 12:58 Ordered a chinese last night. Little chinese driver comes to the door and I walk out to meet him. He shouts "isolate, isolate". I say, "mate calm down, I only ordered half an hour ago."
Image
Asians Strike Back: A Coronavirus Comedy & Science Show
User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 21140
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Tanah Merah, Queensland

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp »

Image
daib0
Posts: 2184
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

I'm giving up drinking for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum
Post Reply