laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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ashman
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman »

I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster but, if anything, it's made it more sluggish. :shock: :D
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

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ashman wrote: 27 May 2021, 06:25 I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster but, if anything, it's made it more sluggish. :shock: :D
:D
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

ashman wrote: 27 May 2021, 06:25 I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster but, if anything, it's made it more sluggish. :shock: :D
:clap2: :clap2:
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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp »

ashman wrote: 27 May 2021, 06:25 I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster but, if anything, it's made it more sluggish. :shock: :D
:clap: :lol:
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

A Chinese man went for a job interview:

"It's really hard, 12.00 mid-day to 12.00 midnight, seven days a week...." they told him

"That's OK", he replied "that's just what I need, a half-time job" ...............
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman »

Spent loads of time last night trying to work out where the sun was - then it dawned on me!

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Re: laughs of the day

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Why is it that so many Kings are named after fractions?
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh »

I've just been fired from my job at Pepsi.
I tested positive for Coke
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh »

I was drinking cocktails with friends and the waitress screamed "Does anyone know CPR?"
I yelled "I know the entire alphabet." And we all laughed.
Well, except one guy.
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 »

This is Absolutely Brilliant:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

And Congratulations you have learnt German within minutes...
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ashman
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Re: laughs of the day

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Clever! :clap2:
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh »

I’ve just heard that Prince Andrew is coming to my neck of the woods to open a ladies hairdressers, I’ll probably go along to The Grooming Gang to witness it.
A warning to JCH whatever you do,
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