laughs of the day

[tonyp]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of
his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring
back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's
like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with he r right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth
out, still nothing.
We even called up Mable, the lady next door and she tried too, first
with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her
knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, and none of us could get that damn jar open".

[bristleposh]

BREAKING NEWS: Seven dinghies packed with refugees arrived on a beach at Weston-Super-Mare this morning. Government sources said they are being returned to Wales immediately.

[bristleposh]

Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit...

It's a little fit bunny.

[ashman]

Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit...

It's a little fit bunny.

Boom, boom!

[daib0]

A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife.
He did this several times, and finally, the bartender asks "why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife'".
The guy says "as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home...."

[daib0]

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.....

[pleasureboy60]

I was tested negative for the new Brazilian varient of Covid yesterday, phew that was a close shave!

[bristleposh]

I was tested negative for the new Brazilian varient of Covid yesterday, phew that was a close shave!

[bristleposh]

35 years ago this week Ryanair made its first flight from Waterford in Ireland to London, apparently 35 years later they are still trying to reunite the passengers with their luggage.

[bristleposh]

I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The chap said "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"
I replied "Dunno, sticks I suppose?"

[daib0]

I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The chap said "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"
I replied "Dunno, sticks I suppose?"

Well, my dog is SO intelligent
..
... you should see him make a bolt for the door!

[bristleposh]

But my dogs got no nose boom boom