laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
Posts: 2006
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Location: Spain - England
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 08 Sep 2018, 18:01

‍Imagine The Titanic with a lisp
...

It's unthinkable
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daib0
Posts: 2006
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 13 Sep 2018, 11:41

IRISH JOKES DAY!

Paddy gets mugged by 4 blokes, but he puts up a great fight, in the end they hold him down & go through his pockets, all he has is 40p.The muggers say "You put up a hellish good fight for just 40p....why bother?"Paddy said "I thought you was after the £500 in my sock."
-----
An Irishman drove his car into a river because the local policeman told him to dip his headlights ...

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An Irish motorist also got his car stuck in a church door. He'd been told to take his car for a service.
----
At a level-crossing in Ireland only one of the gates was open. A motorist asked the level-crossing keeper the reason. "Well, you see sir, we are half-expecting a train" ...

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A Ryan Air pilot, when asked for for his height and position replied " "I'm 5ft 8in and sitting in the front seat" ...

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An Irishman rang up London Airport and asked how long the flight to Dublin took.
"Just a minute, sir" said the operator.
"Thank you" said the Irishman and rang off ...

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An Irishman was stopped by a foreign tourist and asked what the yellow line along the side of the street indicated.
"Oh, that means no parking at all"
Thank you" said the tourist. "But, in that case, what do two yellow lines mean then?"
"Ah" said the Irishman, "that means no parking at all, at all" ...
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 13 Sep 2018, 11:42

and that above was post number 2000 ... wotta let down :oops:
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 14 Sep 2018, 12:57

I got an email today from a 'bored housewife, thirty-ish, looking for some action!'
I've just sent her my washing!
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Sep 2018, 12:56

Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like, 0mg.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Sep 2018, 19:26

The man who invented the word search has died his funeral is...
T T I S P V G K M P H J G U O N Q U X N M O N D A Y S Z B A T K T E N O P G
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Sep 2018, 22:19

Whoever invented the knock knock joke...

Should get a Nobell prize...
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Sep 2018, 22:23

"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."
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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 21 Sep 2018, 09:43

daib0 wrote:
20 Sep 2018, 22:23
"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."
:clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 21 Sep 2018, 09:43

daib0 wrote:
20 Sep 2018, 22:19
Whoever invented the knock knock joke...

Should get a Nobell prize...
:clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Sep 2018, 17:39

The inventor of hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has just died.

RIP Scott Chegg.
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