Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!
Moderators: ashman, poshnipper
-
tonyp
- Posts: 18980
- Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
- Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Post
by tonyp » 04 Mar 2018, 11:22
stuie wrote: ↑04 Mar 2018, 10:59
bristleposh wrote: ↑04 Mar 2018, 10:05
I made my girlfriends dreams come true by marrying her in a castle, although you wouldn't have thought it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
ha ha
Yup.

Being happy never goes out of style
-
daib0
- Posts: 1874
- Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
- Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
-
Contact:
Post
by daib0 » 06 Mar 2018, 18:51
My dear wife just failed the driving test. When the examiner asked: "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" there was a big silence.
Then the reply back: ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ - apparently that wasn’t the correct answer!
-
tonyp
- Posts: 18980
- Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
- Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Post
by tonyp » 06 Mar 2018, 22:56
daib0 wrote: ↑06 Mar 2018, 18:51
My dear wife just failed the driving test. When the examiner asked: "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" there was a big silence.
Then the reply back: ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ - apparently that wasn’t the correct answer!

Being happy never goes out of style
-
daib0
- Posts: 1874
- Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
- Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
-
Contact:
Post
by daib0 » 07 Mar 2018, 15:22
I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.
You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!

-
tonyp
- Posts: 18980
- Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
- Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Post
by tonyp » 07 Mar 2018, 22:22
daib0 wrote: ↑07 Mar 2018, 15:22
I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.
You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!

Being happy never goes out of style
-
stuie
- Posts: 15376
- Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
- Location: cheshire
Post
by stuie » 08 Mar 2018, 14:12
tonyp wrote: ↑07 Mar 2018, 22:22
daib0 wrote: ↑07 Mar 2018, 15:22
I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.
You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!
ha ha

Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far
-
daib0
- Posts: 1874
- Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
- Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
-
Contact:
Post
by daib0 » 09 Mar 2018, 10:34
A lady gets on a bus in Liverpool and asks the driver " is this bus going to Speke?"
The driver says " no lady, it's just an inarticulate lorry "
-
daib0
- Posts: 1874
- Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
- Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
-
Contact:
Post
by daib0 » 09 Mar 2018, 11:52
40 Year Old Virgin Woman: "Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"
"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be."
"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed."
-
Lewis
- Posts: 36
- Joined: 15 Jan 2018, 11:25
Post
by Lewis » 09 Mar 2018, 12:30
The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.
-
bristleposh
- Posts: 26919
- Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
- Location: El Dub
Post
by bristleposh » 09 Mar 2018, 14:36
Lewis wrote: ↑09 Mar 2018, 12:30
The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.
I shouldn’t have but I did chuckle
-
tonyp
- Posts: 18980
- Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
- Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Post
by tonyp » 12 Mar 2018, 12:38
bristleposh wrote: ↑09 Mar 2018, 14:36
Lewis wrote: ↑09 Mar 2018, 12:30
The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.
I shouldn’t have but I did chuckle
You shouldn't have.
Being happy never goes out of style
-
daib0
- Posts: 1874
- Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
- Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
-
Contact:
Post
by daib0 » 12 Mar 2018, 13:21
You won't see me taking the p!ss out of small people.
I'm bigger than that.
-
stuie
- Posts: 15376
- Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
- Location: cheshire
Post
by stuie » 12 Mar 2018, 16:08
daib0 wrote: ↑12 Mar 2018, 13:21
You won't see me taking the p!ss out of small people.
I'm bigger than that.
ha ha

Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far
-
tonyp
- Posts: 18980
- Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
- Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Post
by tonyp » 15 Mar 2018, 08:39
Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Next time take me to a vet !
Being happy never goes out of style
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider] and 6 guests