Christmas jokes

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 15 Dec 2017, 00:42

daib0 wrote:
14 Dec 2017, 23:48
There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting.
He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!"
Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting."
The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
:lol: :clap2:
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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 15 Dec 2017, 00:54

Another one for Stuie.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A pack of batteries with a note saying "toy not included".
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 16 Dec 2017, 14:30

one snowman says to the other

Can you smell carrots
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 16 Dec 2017, 21:52

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 16 Dec 2017, 21:52

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 16 Dec 2017, 21:55

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 16 Dec 2017, 23:26

stuie wrote:
16 Dec 2017, 14:30
one snowman says to the other
Can you smell carrots
stuie wrote:
16 Dec 2017, 21:52
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
stuie wrote:
16 Dec 2017, 21:52
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
stuie wrote:
16 Dec 2017, 21:55
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
Blimey you've been pulling a few crackers stuie!
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by bristleposh » 17 Dec 2017, 11:51

Jesus was never going to be born in Cardiff, no chance of finding a virgin and impossible to find three wise men
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 18 Dec 2017, 00:36

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened."
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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 18 Dec 2017, 00:42

And another one for Stuie -
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 18 Dec 2017, 12:59

tonyp wrote:
18 Dec 2017, 00:36
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.

"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened."
:clap2: very good
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 18 Dec 2017, 13:03

tonyp wrote:
18 Dec 2017, 00:42
And another one for Stuie -
Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A: Santa caught in a revolving door!
cheers :clap:
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 18 Dec 2017, 14:02

Why did Santa go to the doctor?
Because of his bad "elf"!
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stuie
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by stuie » 19 Dec 2017, 23:10

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
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tonyp
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Re: Christmas jokes

Post by tonyp » 19 Dec 2017, 23:30

Image
Being happy never goes out of style

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