laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 15 Mar 2018, 08:47

tonyp wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 08:39
Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet !
I don't see why that's in laughs of the day, it sounds true and should be in general chat under its own banner.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 15 Mar 2018, 08:51

bristleposh wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 08:47
tonyp wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 08:39
Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet !
I don't see why that's in laughs of the day, it sounds true and should be in general chat under its own banner.
:clap2: :clap2: gpwm
Being happy never goes out of style

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 15 Mar 2018, 09:02

IMG_7594.jpg
IMG_7594.jpg (61.71 KiB) Viewed 2705 times
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 15 Mar 2018, 13:14

tonyp wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 08:39
Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet !

Understood, though ... I've got a lovely golden retriever at home!!

:D
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Lewis
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by Lewis » 15 Mar 2018, 20:36

Sold my Hoover on e-bay the other day,well it was just gathering dust.

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 15 Mar 2018, 21:51

daib0 wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 13:14
Understood, though ... I've got a lovely golden retriever at home!!

:D
I was walking along Queen Street the other day and saw this guy sitting on a park bench with a beautiful Golden retriever.
"Lovely dog" I said. "Sure is" he replied.
"Does your dog bite?" I asked
"No" he said
I leaned over and stroked the dog's head and it bit me!
"You said your dog didn't bite" I said
"Not my dog" he said.
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 15 Mar 2018, 22:01

tonyp wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 21:51
daib0 wrote:
15 Mar 2018, 13:14
Understood, though ... I've got a lovely golden retriever at home!!

:D
I was walking along Queen Street the other day and saw this guy sitting on a park bench with a beautiful Golden retriever.
"Lovely dog" I said. "Sure is" he replied.
"Does your dog bite?" I asked
"No" he said
I leaned over and stroked the dog's head and it bit me!
"You said your dog didn't bite" I said
"Not my dog" he said.
:lol:
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Mar 2018, 09:19

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine & dine her, buy her gifts, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 16 Mar 2018, 09:56

bristleposh wrote:
16 Mar 2018, 09:19
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine & dine her, buy her gifts, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked... with beer.
:clap2: :clap2:
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 16 Mar 2018, 15:14

My wife's just told me she's leaving me because of my outrageous poker addiction...

I think she's bluffing
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Mar 2018, 16:45

daib0 wrote:
16 Mar 2018, 15:14
My wife's just told me she's leaving me because of my outrageous poker addiction...

I think she's bluffing
:lol:
The Difference Between Stupidity and Genius Is That Genius Has Its Limits

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 17 Mar 2018, 12:28

Image
Any chance of a smaller one?
or just
Bristleposh
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Mar 2018, 13:19

It's smaller than Mr Listers and nobody has complained about his, it is a thumbnail the original which you appear to have posted was way to big to be used
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 19 Mar 2018, 08:47

You can't spell advertisements without semen between the tits.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Mar 2018, 15:05

My wife says she's leaving me because I always talk like a newsreader.

More on that story later....
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