laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 08 Feb 2018, 14:49

daib0 wrote:
08 Feb 2018, 14:33
My mate's just phoned me in tears. His wife has left him, taken his Bob Marley collection & the satellite dish.
Poor bugga' --- no woman no Sky!
ha ha
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 09 Feb 2018, 06:55

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 09 Feb 2018, 09:49

daib0 wrote:
09 Feb 2018, 06:55
I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
ha ha :clap2:
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bristleposh
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The Google Show games

Post by bristleposh » 09 Feb 2018, 10:17

https://www.google.co.uk/?gws_rd=ssl

That so good for something that not a lot of people will see.
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 11 Feb 2018, 15:07

WARMING!!!
If youse gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it?!!#*
It is a birus wich deactivate you spellcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.
Warn al1 you vriends!!
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 11 Feb 2018, 15:58

bristleposh wrote:
11 Feb 2018, 15:07
WARMING!!!
If youse gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it?!!#*
It is a birus wich deactivate you spellcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.
Warn al1 you vriends!!
very good :clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 13 Feb 2018, 19:11

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist.
"As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient.
"Aha ... and when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist, full of interest.
"Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."
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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 14 Feb 2018, 03:28

daib0 wrote:
13 Feb 2018, 19:11
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.
"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist.
"As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient.
"Aha ... and when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist, full of interest.
"Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."
. :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 15 Feb 2018, 10:13

A Welsh farmer drove to a neighbours farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your dad or your mum home?” said the farmer.
“No, they went to town.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.” said the boy.
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.
The boy thought for a moment…
“You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig... but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 15 Feb 2018, 10:49

daib0 wrote:
15 Feb 2018, 10:13
A Welsh farmer drove to a neighbours farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your dad or your mum home?” said the farmer.
“No, they went to town.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.” said the boy.
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.
The boy thought for a moment…
“You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig... but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
:clap2:
Being happy never goes out of style

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 15 Feb 2018, 14:03

daib0 wrote:
15 Feb 2018, 10:13
A Welsh farmer drove to a neighbours farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
“Is your dad or your mum home?” said the farmer.
“No, they went to town.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.” said the boy.
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.
The boy thought for a moment…
“You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig... but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
very good :clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 15 Feb 2018, 18:38

Yep I like that
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 15 Feb 2018, 19:18

on that subject, sort of:



Somewhere in the world, a woman is having a baby every 12 seconds.

We've got to find her and stop her!!!
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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 16 Feb 2018, 02:40

With all the other things in this world to think about, here are a few that perhaps hadn't crossed your mind:

Think about these:

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it

If poison passes its use by date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Why is the letter W, in English, called double U Shouldn't it be called double V and why isn't "m" called "double n"

Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

The word "SWIMS" upside-down is still "SWIMS".

Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.


100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.


Your future self is watching you right now through memories.


The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.


If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.


Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.


If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.


If 2/22/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day". ?
(It does fall on a Tuesday)
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
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Location: Spain - England
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 16 Feb 2018, 08:03

very good!!
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