laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 17 Nov 2016, 20:33

My wife says she's gonna leave me because I can't take anything seriously

:lol: :clap: :clap: :lol:
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 17 Nov 2016, 23:25

Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 17 Nov 2016, 23:34

bristleposh wrote:Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.



A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 18 Nov 2016, 08:58

daib0 wrote:
bristleposh wrote:Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.



A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."

kerching
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 18 Nov 2016, 20:01

If you ever feel like your job is meaningless..

Just remember..

It's someone's job to fit indicators to BMWs
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:38

Sometimes I use big words which I don't really understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:39

I almost had a threesome last night..

I just needed two more people.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:41

My sister's just had a baby boy.

They've decided to call him Mark, but with a C.

Cark.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 26 Nov 2016, 15:08

Dad: "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?"

Son: "Haha you can't fool me again, a chair!"

Dad: "Not this time. Our dog died."
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 27 Nov 2016, 20:34

I'm not really a fan of jokes that use smutty innuendos,

But I do try to slip one in occasionally.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 29 Nov 2016, 23:22

I keep having a recurring nightmare where I'm surrounded by loads of pregnant women in labour.

I think I may be having a midwife crisis..
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 30 Nov 2016, 13:13

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?..

I asked all 7 brothers and 9 sisters and they didn't know either.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
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Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 30 Nov 2016, 14:19

bristleposh wrote:I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?..

I asked all 7 brothers and 9 sisters and they didn't know either.

:clap2:
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

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bristleposh
Posts: 25154
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 01 Dec 2016, 13:36

A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview...

I haven't even applied for a job there!
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25154
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 01 Dec 2016, 22:06

A Nigerian Prince has died & left his millions to a cat
He tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his emails
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King


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