laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 28 Oct 2016, 08:24

I couldn't find that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots.

So I asked the Kids if they had seen it?

Apparently she left me yesterday.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 28 Oct 2016, 10:28

Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 28 Oct 2016, 12:46

daib0 wrote:Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
True dat
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

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bristleposh
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Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 01 Nov 2016, 22:17

There's a new Matt Damon box set where you see each film in 60 seconds. It's called One Bourne Every Minute
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

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bristleposh
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Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Nov 2016, 14:58

My wife sat on my glasses last night and broke them.
I was really annoyed at first, but then I realised it was my own fault for not taking them off.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

daib0
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Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 03 Nov 2016, 15:03

bristleposh wrote:My wife sat on my glasses last night and broke them.
I was really annoyed at first, but then I realised it was my own fault for not taking them off.
Don't boast!! :D
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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ashman
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by ashman » 08 Nov 2016, 17:26

Laurel and Hardly 'shot down in flames!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG551CqEki8
'Everybody needs to have a friend'

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Poshay
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by Poshay » 08 Nov 2016, 18:07

ashman wrote:Laurel and Hardly 'shot down in flames!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tG551CqEki8
Strictly no Balls up there. But where was Louise?
Halifax Town,Huddersfield Town Leeds United Hibernian Millwall Margate POSH
From Happy Valley to the Slough of Despond. :roll:

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 10 Nov 2016, 15:00

Some of you will be sad to know my weeks voluntary sabbatical is over, start off with a joke that will probably get me an enforced holiday.

My new German girlfriend always marks our sex sessions from 0 to 10, the other day I tried putting it in the wrong place she said 9 I thought wow that's the highest mark she's ever given me.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

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bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 10 Nov 2016, 15:02

I'm about an inch shorter than my wife in high heels

I'm about four inches shorter than her with no high heels
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

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bristleposh
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Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 12 Nov 2016, 20:30

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!?

It's not the end of the world!
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

daib0
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Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 12 Nov 2016, 20:58

bristleposh wrote:So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!?

It's not the end of the world!
:clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Nov 2016, 14:12

I just saw a bloke on a tractor shouting that the world is going to end...

I think it was Farmer Geddon.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

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DoubleRay
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Location: Stanground

Re: laughs of the day

Post by DoubleRay » 17 Nov 2016, 20:14

If you cross a robot with a tractor, do you get a transfarmer? ......

......fetch me coat.

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 17 Nov 2016, 20:19

shoe army
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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