laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: Poshman, poshnipper, matt404, Webby, philadlam

Post Reply
User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Oct 2016, 22:27

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
poshnipper
Nippoderator
Posts: 15980
Joined: 06 May 2005, 15:24
Location: Right behind my team!!

Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshnipper » 19 Oct 2016, 19:54

bristleposh wrote:We're so skint my wife sold one of her kidneys to pay for the kids' school uniform.

If things get any worse I'll have to cancel Sky Sports.
That me larff out loud!!
We go again...
Proud to be POSH

daib0
Posts: 1755
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Oct 2016, 09:47

bristleposh wrote:My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?
:P :D
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Oct 2016, 10:41

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Oct 2016, 10:43

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.

He says, "uno, dos..." Poof ...

He disappears without a tres.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17837
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 21 Oct 2016, 12:18

My 96 yr old nan loves to make an effort for Halloween. I called round and she had the the flies in the window. Cobwebs all over the place. Even a skeleton in the chair. I knocked but no answer. Ah well. Will call again next year
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
Posts: 1755
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 21 Oct 2016, 12:19

this should help you out in understanding your Yorkshire pals ...

Image
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 22 Oct 2016, 21:09

Mum: What's the lion and witch doing in your wardrobe?

Son: It's Narnia business.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 23 Oct 2016, 21:36

The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17837
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 23 Oct 2016, 22:52

bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Being happy never goes out of style

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 08:42

tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Where've you found that from, I googled it and it doesn't exist, I put it in just for fun because I thought it was funny, then again I have always had a sick sense of humour, no way am I going to heaven if such a place exists.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17837
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 24 Oct 2016, 09:18

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Where've you found that from, I googled it and it doesn't exist, I put it in just for fun because I thought it was funny, then again I have always had a sick sense of humour, no way am I going to heaven if such a place exists.
As you know, Carpeneto is a municipality in the Province of Alessandria in the Italian region Piedmont, located about 80 kilometres (50 mi) southeast of Turin.
When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Being happy never goes out of style

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 10:48

tonyp wrote: When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Indeed and I thought you were being serious
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17837
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 24 Oct 2016, 10:55

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote: When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Indeed and I thought you were being serious
I gat accused of that quite frequently.
I keep forgetting to use the smile smiley or the wink smiley. :)
Being happy never goes out of style

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25950
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 16:41

You cannot run around a campsite, it has to be ran

Because it's past tents.
Me: When I was younger I was given a choice, a long penis or a good memory.
Hot Lady: Which one did you choose?
Me: I can’t remember!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests