laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Oct 2016, 22:27

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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poshnipper
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshnipper » 19 Oct 2016, 19:54

bristleposh wrote:We're so skint my wife sold one of her kidneys to pay for the kids' school uniform.

If things get any worse I'll have to cancel Sky Sports.
That me larff out loud!!
We go again...
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Oct 2016, 09:47

bristleposh wrote:My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?
:P :D
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Oct 2016, 10:41

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Oct 2016, 10:43

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.

He says, "uno, dos..." Poof ...

He disappears without a tres.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 21 Oct 2016, 12:18

My 96 yr old nan loves to make an effort for Halloween. I called round and she had the the flies in the window. Cobwebs all over the place. Even a skeleton in the chair. I knocked but no answer. Ah well. Will call again next year
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 21 Oct 2016, 12:19

this should help you out in understanding your Yorkshire pals ...

Image
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 22 Oct 2016, 21:09

Mum: What's the lion and witch doing in your wardrobe?

Son: It's Narnia business.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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bristleposh
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Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 23 Oct 2016, 21:36

The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 23 Oct 2016, 22:52

bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 08:42

tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Where've you found that from, I googled it and it doesn't exist, I put it in just for fun because I thought it was funny, then again I have always had a sick sense of humour, no way am I going to heaven if such a place exists.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 24 Oct 2016, 09:18

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:The man who invented anagrams has died.

May he erect a penis.
I'm not sure why you posted this in the laughs of the day thread.
Carpenetesi is a rare and terrible disease and certainly not to be laughed at.
I hope the poor man will rest in peace.
Where've you found that from, I googled it and it doesn't exist, I put it in just for fun because I thought it was funny, then again I have always had a sick sense of humour, no way am I going to heaven if such a place exists.
As you know, Carpeneto is a municipality in the Province of Alessandria in the Italian region Piedmont, located about 80 kilometres (50 mi) southeast of Turin.
When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 10:48

tonyp wrote: When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Indeed and I thought you were being serious
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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tonyp
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Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 24 Oct 2016, 10:55

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote: When the disease was first discovered in Carpeneto by Doctor Biggus Dickus it was immediately named Carpenetesi because so many people were passing away peacefully. (Some of them with erect penises).
I hope this clarifies it for you.
Indeed and I thought you were being serious
I gat accused of that quite frequently.
I keep forgetting to use the smile smiley or the wink smiley. :)
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 24 Oct 2016, 16:41

You cannot run around a campsite, it has to be ran

Because it's past tents.
I started a joke that had the whole world crying
But I didn't see that the joke was on me

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