laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Nov 2016, 20:33

My wife says she's gonna leave me because I can't take anything seriously

:lol: :clap: :clap: :lol:
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Nov 2016, 23:25

Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 17 Nov 2016, 23:34

bristleposh wrote:Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.

A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 18 Nov 2016, 08:58

daib0 wrote:
bristleposh wrote:Got a job as a church bell ringer.

It's my first day so they're just showing me the ropes.

A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
kerching
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 18 Nov 2016, 20:01

If you ever feel like your job is meaningless..

Just remember..

It's someone's job to fit indicators to BMWs
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:38

Sometimes I use big words which I don't really understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:39

I almost had a threesome last night..

I just needed two more people.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Nov 2016, 23:41

My sister's just had a baby boy.

They've decided to call him Mark, but with a C.

Cark.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 26 Nov 2016, 15:08

Dad: "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?"

Son: "Haha you can't fool me again, a chair!"

Dad: "Not this time. Our dog died."
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 27 Nov 2016, 20:34

I'm not really a fan of jokes that use smutty innuendos,

But I do try to slip one in occasionally.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 29 Nov 2016, 23:22

I keep having a recurring nightmare where I'm surrounded by loads of pregnant women in labour.

I think I may be having a midwife crisis..
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 30 Nov 2016, 13:13

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?..

I asked all 7 brothers and 9 sisters and they didn't know either.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 30 Nov 2016, 14:19

bristleposh wrote:I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?..

I asked all 7 brothers and 9 sisters and they didn't know either.
:clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 01 Dec 2016, 13:36

A policeman asked me to come down to the station for an interview...

I haven't even applied for a job there!
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 01 Dec 2016, 22:06

A Nigerian Prince has died & left his millions to a cat
He tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his emails
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