laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: Poshman, poshnipper, matt404, Webby, philadlam

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 22 Apr 2017, 16:04

Yesterday, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships?

Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the correct answer.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 23 Apr 2017, 07:14

I'm not saying the women in my local pub are ugly, but there's a paper bag machine in the gents.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
Posts: 1625
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 27 Apr 2017, 13:28

Spoke to an old classmate of mine from years ago t'other day, I asked what he was doing now, he replied
"I'm working on a project involving aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment"
I was really impressed!
However, upon further enquiry I learned that he was ... washing the dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision!


-----------------------------------


My boss said to me, “You're the worst train driver I have ever known. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, “I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track.”
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 30 Apr 2017, 09:55

At any given moment the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim-away...



A whim-away, a whim-away, a whim-away...
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 30 Apr 2017, 14:13

I lost a good friend and drinking buddy this weekend in a tragic accident...

He got his finger caught in a wedding ring!
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
Posts: 1625
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 02 May 2017, 23:09

My mate hired an eastern European as a cleaner, took her ten hours to do the hoovering.

- Turns out she's a Slovak...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 11 May 2017, 22:52

What's a priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
Posts: 1625
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 12 May 2017, 22:41

My mate David is a victim of ID theft.

Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 13 May 2017, 08:21

daib0 wrote:My mate David is a victim of ID theft.

Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...

I'm sure I've seen your mate in a previous joke :lol:
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17181
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Q&A Old but still funny

Postby tonyp » 19 May 2017, 05:17

Q. Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?
A. He thought he was a griller.
:lol: :clap:
Being happy never goes out of style.

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17181
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: Q&A Old but still funny

Postby tonyp » 19 May 2017, 05:24

Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A. Holes all over Australia.
Being happy never goes out of style.

daib0
Posts: 1625
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 19 May 2017, 10:11

Children Are Quick

____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Jim , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
JIM : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17181
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Postby tonyp » 20 May 2017, 06:36

Q. What do you get when you cross a duck with cheese?
A. Cheese quackers.
Being happy never goes out of style.

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25297
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 21 May 2017, 18:33

There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

Bloody Foreigner.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
Posts: 1625
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 21 May 2017, 19:21

bristleposh wrote:There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

Bloody Foreigner.

:clap2:
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !


Return to “Just For Fun”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests