laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 21 Mar 2017, 09:26

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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tonyp
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby tonyp » 21 Mar 2017, 12:04

bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".


Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Being happy never goes out of style.

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 21 Mar 2017, 13:23

tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".


Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

True
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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poshnipper
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby poshnipper » 21 Mar 2017, 15:39

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".


Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

True

Brave :mrgreen:
We go again...
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 26 Mar 2017, 09:23

Devastated
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 26 Mar 2017, 10:26

daib0 wrote:Devastated
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...

:oops: :lol:
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 03 Apr 2017, 08:43

Weather = slut.
The wind blows you.
The rain makes you wet.
The sun makes you take your clothes off.
The snow covers you in white stuff
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 05 Apr 2017, 19:30

I was in a cafe today and can you believe it, two waitresses had a massive row about how long to leave a teabag in the cup.
Well, it got so bad that it ended in violence.
I asked the manager what caused that and he said it had been brewing for ages...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 05 Apr 2017, 21:17

daib0 wrote:I was in a cafe today and can you believe it, two waitresses had a massive row about how long to leave a teabag in the cup.
Well, it got so bad that it ended in violence.
I asked the manager what caused that and he said it had been brewing for ages...

:clap: :clap2: :clap:
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 11 Apr 2017, 15:52

My wife said she'd only slept with three people before we met.

I wouldn't mind but I was only 30 minutes late!
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 12 Apr 2017, 16:23

I saw a midget dressed like Hitler yesterday & I thought..

"that's a little racist"
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 12 Apr 2017, 16:53

Just called the Sea Life Centre for some tickets.

They said my call would be recorded for training porpoises.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 16 Apr 2017, 10:06

Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem Alan"
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Postby daib0 » 22 Apr 2017, 11:07

I like jokes about eyes ... the cornea the better!
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

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bristleposh
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Location: Bristol

Re: laughs of the day

Postby bristleposh » 22 Apr 2017, 16:03

Teacher: Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?

Billy: My dad has been painting the fences all week, it's taking the contagious.
In the Kingdom of the blind,
the one eyed man is King


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