laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: Poshman, poshnipper, matt404, Webby, philadlam

Post Reply
User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Mar 2017, 09:26

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
Image

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 17319
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 21 Mar 2017, 12:04

bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Being happy never goes out of style.

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 21 Mar 2017, 13:23

tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
True
Image

User avatar
poshnipper
Nippoderator
Posts: 15917
Joined: 06 May 2005, 15:24
Location: Right behind my team!!

Re: laughs of the day

Post by poshnipper » 21 Mar 2017, 15:39

bristleposh wrote:
tonyp wrote:
bristleposh wrote:I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
True
Brave :mrgreen:
We go again...
Proud to be POSH

daib0
Posts: 1667
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 26 Mar 2017, 09:23

Devastated
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 26 Mar 2017, 10:26

daib0 wrote:Devastated
A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet...
:oops: :lol:
Image

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 03 Apr 2017, 08:43

Weather = slut.
The wind blows you.
The rain makes you wet.
The sun makes you take your clothes off.
The snow covers you in white stuff
Image

daib0
Posts: 1667
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 05 Apr 2017, 19:30

I was in a cafe today and can you believe it, two waitresses had a massive row about how long to leave a teabag in the cup.
Well, it got so bad that it ended in violence.
I asked the manager what caused that and he said it had been brewing for ages...
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 05 Apr 2017, 21:17

daib0 wrote:I was in a cafe today and can you believe it, two waitresses had a massive row about how long to leave a teabag in the cup.
Well, it got so bad that it ended in violence.
I asked the manager what caused that and he said it had been brewing for ages...
:clap: :clap2: :clap:
Image

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 11 Apr 2017, 15:52

My wife said she'd only slept with three people before we met.

I wouldn't mind but I was only 30 minutes late!
Image

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 12 Apr 2017, 16:23

I saw a midget dressed like Hitler yesterday & I thought..

"that's a little racist"
Image

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 12 Apr 2017, 16:53

Just called the Sea Life Centre for some tickets.

They said my call would be recorded for training porpoises.
Image

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 16 Apr 2017, 10:06

Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter"

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem Alan"
Image

daib0
Posts: 1667
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 22 Apr 2017, 11:07

I like jokes about eyes ... the cornea the better!
http://www.royalsrendezvous.co.uk - a specialist and friendly Reading forum
Cello man ... in action in this VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEVmGOEMJLE&t=12s Please share !

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 25548
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: Back in Brizzle innit

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 22 Apr 2017, 16:03

Teacher: Can anyone use the word contagious in a sentence?

Billy: My dad has been painting the fences all week, it's taking the contagious.
Image

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests