laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 06 Aug 2018, 15:12

- Hey, would you invite me over for a drink or something?

- I'd love to, but I simply do not date married women.

- But I'm your wife, stupid idiot!

- Sorry, but I do not make exceptions…
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 07 Aug 2018, 16:14

How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 09 Aug 2018, 13:18

The guy who invented predictive text passed away yesterday.

His funfair will be next monkey.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 16 Aug 2018, 18:34

My wife once informed me...
"Sex is better on holiday"
Now that ... really wasn’t a nice postcard to receive…. :x
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Aug 2018, 08:29

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities.

I said, "That's great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity"
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Aug 2018, 08:31

bristleposh wrote:
20 Aug 2018, 08:29
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities.

I said, "That's great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity"
:clap2:
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Aug 2018, 08:34

I'm not a great fan of innuendos, however I do like to slip one in now and again...
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 20 Aug 2018, 10:41

"I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" ...
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Aug 2018, 11:09

daib0 wrote:
20 Aug 2018, 08:34
I'm not a great fan of innuendos, however I do like to slip one in now and again...
:clap: :clap2: :clap:
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Aug 2018, 16:48

I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 21 Aug 2018, 13:53

I was once a nude model. I barely made a living....


---------------------------------------------------------------------



I once had a job as Jennifer Aniston's nipple pincher.
Didn't pay well but the perks were fantastic.
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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 21 Aug 2018, 20:12

Had a pint with a dyslexic Yorkshireman tonight, he was wearing a cat flap.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 23 Aug 2018, 22:39

I've just been arrested by Anti Terror Police for advertising my new fast food outlet.

I was shouting 'Alan's Snack Bar' at the top of my voice when all hell broke loose.
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 29 Aug 2018, 00:57

‍A man tried to sell me a coffin today.

I told him that’s the last thing I need...
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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 01 Sep 2018, 20:04

daib0 wrote:
29 Aug 2018, 00:57
‍A man tried to sell me a coffin today.

I told him that’s the last thing I need...
:clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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