laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 17 Jul 2018, 09:31

Wimbledon...

The time of year blind people think porn is being shown on daytime TV.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Jul 2018, 10:38

daib0 wrote:
17 Jul 2018, 09:31
Wimbledon...

The time of year blind people think porn is being shown on daytime TV.
Pmsl
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 17 Jul 2018, 11:25

Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters the same name?

Anna 1, Anna 2...
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 17 Jul 2018, 11:30

Last night my new girlfriend said, "So how come you haven't already been snapped up?"

I replied, "I've been married before, but it didn't work out. She said I was far too inattentive."

"Oh, that's so sad! Did you have any kids?"

"Probably.... "
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 17 Jul 2018, 12:40

daib0 wrote:
17 Jul 2018, 11:30
Last night my new girlfriend said, "So how come you haven't already been snapped up?"

I replied, "I've been married before, but it didn't work out. She said I was far too inattentive."

"Oh, that's so sad! Did you have any kids?"

"Probably.... "
That's me that is
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 19 Jul 2018, 12:38

This bloke said to me:

‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar’

I said, ‘Is that a fret?’...
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 19 Jul 2018, 14:54

What do you call someone who can't finish their jokes?
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Jul 2018, 07:36

My dog fell in the river today and a passing German tourist dived in and got him out.

"Here is your dog" he said "take him home, keep him warm and he will be fine"

"Thank you so much", I said "Are you a vet?"

"VET?!" he said, "I'm soaking!"
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 20 Jul 2018, 22:45

I got trapped in a bidding war for a house, because my wife loved the lengthy corridor.

Now I’m in it for the long hall.
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 23 Jul 2018, 18:00

Called the vets this morning...

Me "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich"

Vet "Ok what's the problem?"

Me "He's holding his head to one side"

Vet "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"

Me "Haven't you got anything sooner?"
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 30 Jul 2018, 20:58

Quiet note -


To whoever stole my antidepressants....... I hope you're happy now.
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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 30 Jul 2018, 22:33

daib0 wrote:
30 Jul 2018, 20:58
Quiet note -


To whoever stole my antidepressants....... I hope you're happy now.
:clap: :clap2: :clap:
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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 31 Jul 2018, 09:18

daib0 wrote:
30 Jul 2018, 20:58
Quiet note -


To whoever stole my antidepressants....... I hope you're happy now.
:clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 31 Jul 2018, 19:39

gotta smile on life!!!!
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 06 Aug 2018, 12:02

If I had 50p for every maths test I'd failed I'd have £9.20p by now...
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