laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

Moderators: ashman, poshnipper

Post Reply
User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 18994
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 04 Mar 2018, 11:22

stuie wrote:
04 Mar 2018, 10:59
bristleposh wrote:
04 Mar 2018, 10:05
I made my girlfriends dreams come true by marrying her in a castle, although you wouldn't have thought it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
ha ha :clap2:
Yup. :lol:
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
Posts: 2009
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 06 Mar 2018, 18:51

My dear wife just failed the driving test. When the examiner asked: "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" there was a big silence.
Then the reply back: ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ - apparently that wasn’t the correct answer!
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 18994
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 06 Mar 2018, 22:56

daib0 wrote:
06 Mar 2018, 18:51
My dear wife just failed the driving test. When the examiner asked: "what sign would you expect to see down a narrow country lane?" there was a big silence.
Then the reply back: ‘fresh farm eggs for sale’ - apparently that wasn’t the correct answer!
:lol: :clap2:
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
Posts: 2009
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 07 Mar 2018, 15:22

I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.

You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!

:)
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 27471
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 07 Mar 2018, 16:24

Very good
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 18994
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 07 Mar 2018, 22:22

daib0 wrote:
07 Mar 2018, 15:22
I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.

You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!

:)
:lol: :clap2:
Being happy never goes out of style

User avatar
stuie
Posts: 15506
Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 08 Mar 2018, 14:12

tonyp wrote:
07 Mar 2018, 22:22
daib0 wrote:
07 Mar 2018, 15:22
I can remember when my mum could send me to the shops with a ten bob note and I would return with 2 loaves, 3 bottles of milk, bag of sugar, carton of tea, 12 rashers of bacon, a block of butter, a block of cheese and even a bag of spuds.

You can't do that these days - too many darned security cameras about!!

:)
:lol: :clap2:
ha ha :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
Posts: 2009
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 09 Mar 2018, 10:34

A lady gets on a bus in Liverpool and asks the driver " is this bus going to Speke?"

The driver says " no lady, it's just an inarticulate lorry "
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

daib0
Posts: 2009
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 09 Mar 2018, 11:52

40 Year Old Virgin Woman: "Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"
"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be."
"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed."
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

Lewis
Posts: 36
Joined: 15 Jan 2018, 11:25

Re: laughs of the day

Post by Lewis » 09 Mar 2018, 12:30

The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 27471
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 09 Mar 2018, 14:36

Lewis wrote:
09 Mar 2018, 12:30
The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.
I shouldn’t have but I did chuckle
http://www.theposhforum.co.uk/download/file.php?id=761

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 18994
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 12 Mar 2018, 12:38

bristleposh wrote:
09 Mar 2018, 14:36
Lewis wrote:
09 Mar 2018, 12:30
The old dear next door is a lazy cow,hasn't brought her milk in for 2 weeks.
I shouldn’t have but I did chuckle
You shouldn't have.
Being happy never goes out of style

daib0
Posts: 2009
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain - England
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 12 Mar 2018, 13:21

You won't see me taking the p!ss out of small people.
I'm bigger than that.
A friendly Reading FC fan! He is a moderator here: http://www.extremefootballforum.com/forum

User avatar
stuie
Posts: 15506
Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 12 Mar 2018, 16:08

daib0 wrote:
12 Mar 2018, 13:21
You won't see me taking the p!ss out of small people.
I'm bigger than that.
ha ha :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

User avatar
tonyp
Posts: 18994
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 15 Mar 2018, 08:39

Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does.

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.
Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet !
Being happy never goes out of style

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests