laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
Posts: 1812
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 05 Jan 2018, 17:32

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked
him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions;
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore
and put it on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say:
Polish Remover.
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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stuie
Posts: 15014
Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 05 Jan 2018, 17:59

daib0 wrote:
05 Jan 2018, 17:32
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked
him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions;
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore
and put it on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say:
Polish Remover.
very good :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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bristleposh
Posts: 26453
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 15 Jan 2018, 08:20

Went swimming earlier, I had a wee in the deep end.

Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in!
It started with a kiss and turned out something else
The blood coursing through my veins, I think of no one else
I never believed in much, but I believe in this
I'm incomplete without you, I'd kill to taste your kiss

User avatar
stuie
Posts: 15014
Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 15 Jan 2018, 13:02

bristleposh wrote:
15 Jan 2018, 08:20
Went swimming earlier, I had a wee in the deep end.

Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in!
, :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

User avatar
bristleposh
Posts: 26453
Joined: 10 Jun 2007, 09:14
Location: El Dub

Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » Yesterday, 19:18

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches.

You should have seen his little face light up when he tried to walk.
It started with a kiss and turned out something else
The blood coursing through my veins, I think of no one else
I never believed in much, but I believe in this
I'm incomplete without you, I'd kill to taste your kiss

User avatar
stuie
Posts: 15014
Joined: 18 Jun 2007, 15:14
Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » Yesterday, 19:40

bristleposh wrote:
Yesterday, 19:18
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches.

You should have seen his little face light up when he tried to walk.
. very good :clap: :clap2:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
Posts: 1812
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
Contact:

Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » Yesterday, 20:14

bristleposh wrote:
Yesterday, 19:18
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches.

You should have seen his little face light up when he tried to walk.
love it! :clap2:
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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