laughs of the day

Jokes, Riddles and Trivia. Keep them clean please!

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daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 03 Nov 2017, 15:39

I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

daib0
Posts: 1776
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 03 Nov 2017, 15:40

was fired from the keyboard factory today.

Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough shifts...
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 03 Nov 2017, 20:11

daib0 wrote:
03 Nov 2017, 15:40
was fired from the keyboard factory today.

Apparently I wasn’t putting in enough shifts...
:lol:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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tonyp
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Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 03 Nov 2017, 21:10

daib0 wrote:
03 Nov 2017, 15:39
I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.
:clap2:
Being happy never goes out of style

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 04 Nov 2017, 15:01

The boss of a paint company has died of hypothermia whilst trekking across the Antarctic.

Medics say he needed a second coat.



Apparently his funeral will be very emulsional
https://hashtagbay.com/wp-content/uploads/product/40593/58f7f1702485b.png

daib0
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 10 Nov 2017, 13:11

I just bought a bottle of that new aftershave called "Breadcrumbs".

The birds love it
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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stuie
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 10 Nov 2017, 16:24

:?
daib0 wrote:
10 Nov 2017, 13:11
I just bought a bottle of that new aftershave called "Breadcrumbs".

The birds love it
:?
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

daib0
Posts: 1776
Joined: 09 Nov 2011, 23:20
Location: Spain (Pamplona) - UK (Reading)
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by daib0 » 10 Nov 2017, 16:40

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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bristleposh
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Re: laughs of the day

Post by bristleposh » 10 Nov 2017, 17:17

daib0 wrote:
10 Nov 2017, 16:40
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
:clap: :clap:
https://hashtagbay.com/wp-content/uploads/product/40593/58f7f1702485b.png

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stuie
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Location: cheshire

Re: laughs of the day

Post by stuie » 11 Nov 2017, 14:50

bristleposh wrote:
10 Nov 2017, 17:17
daib0 wrote:
10 Nov 2017, 16:40
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
:clap: :clap:
:clap:
Plymouth to Portsmouth 2017 -2018, that ain't far

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tonyp
Posts: 18094
Joined: 25 Jun 2005, 14:22
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

Re: laughs of the day

Post by tonyp » 14 Nov 2017, 08:47

daib0 wrote:
10 Nov 2017, 16:40
A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
:lol: :clap2:
Although that joke wouldn't work if her boyfriend was right handed.
"I suppose so" the wife replies "They're only golf clubs"
What's his next question?
Being happy never goes out of style

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